Creating a new you…

You're not a care giver anymore.  You're not a spouse anymore. You ARE that "W" word that no one likes attached to their name; Widow or widower is such an ugly sounding word.

So, who are you now?

You've been through some life changing times.  You found strength you never thought you had and you've kissed your loved one good-bye.  It's not exactly back to square one, but it is starting from a square you're not familiar with, right?  Friends and family have scooped you up on holidays and special occasions and they've tried to make you feel like you're a part of the celebration, but all you can do is think about how different it would be if you were with your loved one.  You'd probably be sitting together, and maybe you'd be dancing and laughing and making another memory together, but not now.

We're in a pickle here aren't we?  Look in the mirror, who do you see?  Some one who has to make some hard choices.  No matter how long it takes, we have to learn to live again.  It will be a different life, but different doesn't mean bad.

Different is creating a new you, a new one of us.  Get on your mark.....go.

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Laurie Hirth November 20, 2013 at 7:54 am

Mo, always love to hear from you.. and I feel your pain and you have my love and sympathies. This is a tough time for all of us! Me too, it haunts me. It's the why's that I can't answer. It all started to fall apart right about now.
That journey after December 1st, has taken me so far. Still single but never alone. I have had some amazing help from my family and friends to guide and help me. It's not been easy. Who knew at the age of 55 I would start my life over in MS, then travel to CA and begin again. Now in KS, I believe I have come full circle. The journey doesn't end here. It's just a chapter in my life that hasn't been written.
Take that leap of faith, move forward, Mo, you started to write again and look at your work!! It speaks from the heart. We've all come so far. We've accomplished so much. I just know the words "thank you" can never be enough for finding My Cancer and then being a part of Our Cancer. Who knows where I would be now if I hadn't had this place to keep me loved, safe and supported.
I try not to look back, only forward. I know it's the only way Neil would have wanted it. And I can't let anyone of you down! Pay it forward and never stop lifting, sadly, there is always someone that is just beginning their journey! Laurie

Maureen (Mo) November 19, 2013 at 7:23 pm

The root of the word "widow", according to a derivation history I looked up (word origins always fascinate me), is Indo-European and means "to be empty" or "to be separated". The Latin for the word is related to "bereft" and "to divide". Those definitions make sense and have wider applicability than the term's use today.

"Widow" has a long history of varied use, including in printing, as a term I recall from setting hot type, meaning a short last line, sometimes no mroe than a word or two, of a paragraph that gets carried over and is left by itself, or is otherwise separated from its text if it appears at the top of a new page; I've never forgotten that we were always told to avoid creating widows.

Interestingly, our culture doesn't seem to have a term for loss of a sibling, at least none that I've ever been able to find (I have seen us called "forgotten mourners"). I sometimes feel this acutely, perhaps because a single word can relate so much about a relationship, contains the explanation you don't have to give when someone asks. I especially miss my brother at this time of year.

Nan Holmes November 21, 2013 at 8:36 pm

Really enjoyed reading these posts.

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