The Photo Album of Life
Making memories. That’s what life is all about isn’t it?
As a kid growing up, I was lucky enough to be a part of a group who grew up on the same street. There must have been 30 of us all within a few years of each other and we did everything together. We played sports according to the seasons. It was easy to do that living in Southern California. Baseball in summer, basketball in the fall, football in the winter. The boys even tolerated the girls! And we made great memories.
We still get together and remember the good times. We have photo albums that make us laugh and we enjoy the “good ‘ol days.”
My photo albums from cancer world are in my head. I remember so many of the days walking into the cancer center. I mean I remember them clearly. I see Leroy walking into the exam rooms. I see him in the hospital bed. I see him getting ready for his RFA’s and his visits with the doctors. I remember so much of those years, so clearly.
There are days when I can’t remember what I had for dinner, but I remember cancer world. I even remember conversations. Important turning points in his fight with the disease.
Do you think these will ever fade from my minds’ memory book? In some ways, I hope they remain with me always. That time changed me forever. I learned about life and I learned about death. I learned about struggle and I witnessed, from the front row, how different people are, when they are faced with great misfortune.
Leroy and I made some great memories in the midst of all this chaos too. I pray those precious moments are on speed dial to the day I take my last breath.
It’s all about the memories. They make the life. We need to remember.
April 23, 2011 @ 1:59 pm
I hit the 7 month mark yesterday – and it’s only been during the past month that some of the wonderful memories of our 41 years together were able to reside alongside those painful cancer memories of the final 4-1/2 years. I’m grateful for that “co-mingling”. Those cancer years brought both pain and joy, heartache and fulfillment, hurt feelings from those who chose to disappear from our lives and new bonds with those we encountered in our journey, and those final hospice days brought me heart-filling closeness with my soulmate, my other half, that will carry me on until we are joined together once again.
April 19, 2011 @ 8:30 pm
The snapshots of cancer world whirl through my head constantly…the nurse apologizing for the difficulty in finding a vein, the hospital stays, the doctors visits and all the while the patient reassuring the medical professionals that he was fine and they were great. I know they didn’t love seeing any patients go through cancer but they loved having Jim as a patient..he made their job easier I’m sure. Those snapshots bring tears to my eyes almost on a daily basis but I don’t want to forget them.
April 19, 2011 @ 7:02 pm
As painful as some of the memories are, they are treasures. Cling to them. They are a part of who you are…your identity just like your fingerprints. I would encourage co-mingling with them some other memories that do bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart..a balance. We all have the good and bad but it is our life…no sense diminishing what really happened.
I often draw upon those memories, those painful memories, the memories of despair and pain to remind me that I am blessed to be able to remember them and hopefully the experience has made me truly appreciate my life now and importantly, the simple things, the small events, friends, family.. The pain of loss gets less acute as time passes but the memories never let me forget how I felt at that time nor do I want to forget. I choose to remember the good times first and I smile. The pain is just below the surface so it is there and will never go away because that how I want it to be. Build the memories as long as you can and they will bring you comfort as the difficult times come along.