‘I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.” That’s what my friend said to me through her grief. She’d lost a loved one she felt her entire world was spiraling out of control. She had determined that since she’s experienced this terrible loss, everything else would follow. Her life would be like a line of dominoes.
Is this some of the poison cancer leaves behind for us to deal with? Have we been so damaged by the power of the disease that we begin to think that a death is just the tip of the iceberg, just the beginning?
In my experience, I didn’t think it could get any worse, but clearly she didn’t share that opinion.
Do we get so conditioned by living with cancer that our world is forever skewed, never to return to what we once called normal?
Carlos Santana sings a great song “Wishing It Was.” There’s a line in the song that makes me think he’s been to cancer world….”Pain never makes me cry, but happiness does.”
Haven’t we all been there?
May 2, 2011 @ 7:03 pm
Sometime, although we may not want to acknowledge it, cancer and the death that follows is only the tip of the iceberg. Pancreatic cancer, a flood, physical accidents, surgical shoulder repairs, car accidents (3), crushed bone that found a personal case of cancer, the number 2 killer in the US – yes, sometimes it is only the tip of the iceberg. So yes, living through the death of a loved one, your soul-mate, might only be the beginning.
BUT, and it is a big but, you keep going. Don’t be blind to the facts but know what can be done while preparing should that downward spiral continue. I didn’t ever think it would stop and so few people were empathetic to the situation it was almost laughable that it was so, so sad. But I took my life into my own hands, as much as I could and after 4 years on anti-depressives, I’ve begun to cut back on the meds and try to see the beauty in life and not just the sorrow and sadness. Although I cry just a bit almost everyday.
Al is right (and thank him for saying it so succinctly), …there is life with cancer and after cancer. It might just take your friend time and patience to find it. It sounds as if you’re the friend to be there to help her through it. That means everything.
April 26, 2011 @ 4:50 pm
Living with cancer has many challenges as we all know. I choose to believe that there are still so many joys in life, this precious life I’ve been graced to still have, that I look for them every day. The many things I once took for granted are now appreciated and seen through a different prism than I once had.
The loss of a loved one can be devastating, debilitating and cause depression beyond belief. I do believe that there is still a reason to be Hopeful, a reason to seek joy and happiness. This is no way diminishes the pain nor the loss but perhaps it speaks more about the human animal and our ability to cope, to compartmentalize and to seek the light after living with and in the darkness for a long time. I believe in that “little light of Hope” and its ability to push back the darkness and allow the rays of light to enter our world once again. As we’ve spoken before, each person must grieve in whatever fashion and for as long as it takes but I do know that Hope, happiness and joy are still there if you’ll only reachout. Laurie, hope your friend will discover that there is life with cancer and after cancer.