The question came in the middle of a phone call from some one I hadn’t heard from in quite a while. Since no one has asked me that question in a long time, I really wasn’t prepared to answer it…atleast not in the way it was asked.
It’s been hours now since that call and that question is still rattling around in my head. “How ya doin’ all by yourself?”
Am I “All by myself?” I guess I am. For so many years there were two of us. Now it’s just me. Death by cancer meant death of life as I had known it for a very long time. Putting together a new life takes a lot of work.
In the beginning, I didn’t want anything to change. That might sound strange, because I really had no choice in the matter, but I fought the change. I think that comes with the grief and the shock of the loss. If you can hold on to anything during that time, you do it with everything you’ve got.
Slowly, and I mean slowly, the new life begins to unfold. New responsibilities pop-up and old habits fade away. It’s a huge adjustment, and there’s no denying it.
Friends, friends as a couple vs friends as a single, thinking for one instead of two…lots of changes.
So, “How ya doin’ all by yourself?”
It’s an interesting question…..I’m working on the answer.
June 30, 2011 @ 4:11 am
Facing each day with a positive attitude and great inner strength, i can say “I’m doin real fine!”
June 25, 2011 @ 3:14 pm
“Loss makes artists of us all as we weave new patterns in the fabric of our lives.” — Greta W. Crosby
June 23, 2011 @ 9:33 pm
I don’t know how I’m doing because I just go through the motions of the day. Go to work, occasionally go out with a friend, have Sunday dinner with my kids. Everytime I do something fun it is tempered by the realization that the person I always had the most fun with is not here to enjoy it. I still feel tremendous guilt.
June 23, 2011 @ 4:27 pm
It’s a testament to the remarkable resilience of humans that we do go on living after losing those we love. Maybe that’s how we best honor them; after all, look at how they went on living even in the face of death.