HOPE IS THE FUTURE…
I can relate to what each of you said today…Hope has so many faces, it is demonstrated is so many words and actions.
Living with cancer, HOPE rises and falls so quickly. It’s such a roller coaster ride of an emotion.
But the one thing HOPE is, in cancer world, is the thread that weaves its way through to connect your heart with your brain. Sure, we all had to deal with days when the doctor said, “This is isn’t working.” Our hopes were dashed. In Leroy’s case, we both knew that eventually the cancer would probably take his life. I say ‘probably’ because we and I do mean we, always held out hope that he would be that one-in-a-million who would beat his disease. It didn’t happen, but until he took his final breath, I had hope.
My HOPE has shifted now. From a very personal point of view, I hope that some day I’ll be able to carry my sorrow, from losing Leroy, somewhere tucked away, where it won’t have a pulse…where I won’t be able to feel it, like a heartbeat every day. It’s a very different kind of hope.
But I guess what I’m trying to say is, HOPE is what pushes us to the next step. It’s what we all need to keep moving forward, no matter how hard that may seem.
We lose HOPE, we lose the future. In cancer world, losing any hope for the future means throwing in the towel.
July 27, 2011 @ 8:55 pm
Laurie…you spoke of hoping that one day you could tuck your grief away somewhere that you could not feel the pulse of it everyday. I think I do as well but again it still seems like even that would be a betrayal. I know my grief is controlling my life in a lot of ways still and as much as I would like to find my place I am afraid to put my old familiar life in another drawer. I go through the motions of life but I feel like my wheels are just spinning and I’m going nowhere, only in circles. I, like you, hope for a day where I may find my direction and live some of the life Jim and I had planned. Running away from it hasn’t helped.