A Better Word Than Survivor
How do you define surviving cancer?
The cancer patient who goes through treatment and comes out the other side with clean scans and the words NED stamped on a medical chart, does that make them a cancer survivor?
We’d like to think so. But I don’t think it’s that easy. So many cancer victims I know, still struggle with the left-overs of cancer, even when their scans are clear. Lingering effects of chemo still make them foggy, radiation has left behind fatigue and sometimes other organs have been damaged in the process.
The cancer goes away….it just disappears. It could be gone for many, many years or it could come back in a matter of a few months. Who knows where it hides. I always thought how strange it was, that cancer could light-up a pet scan like a neon bulb and then, poof, vanish into the body’s deep caves without a trace.
And while it hides, the ‘survivor’ goes back to living as normal a life as possible. Even friends, who kept a close watch during treatment, tend to fall away, because the cancer patient is now a cancer survivor. Time to get back to normal.
I guess I struggle with the word “survivor.” I’m not sure I have a word that fits any better. I do know, I respect and applaud any one who has gone through this test, that’s for sure. We just have to find a better word than ‘survivor.’
August 11, 2011 @ 4:03 am
I rellay needed to find this info, thank God!
July 29, 2011 @ 12:15 am
I survived cancer, as a caregiver. I consider my self a widow even though Neil and I never married. I did not have the disease but it definitely had me. Now I am back in the thick of things with my dearest friend here in the desert. My dance partner, my confident, my best friend. He is part of the three musketeers. It’s pancreatic cancer at it’s worst. He has no family close by, his good friend is in LA having surgery and won’t be back to the desert till next week. I didn’t ask for this again, I don’t want it. I took Dom to the ER on Sunday, on Monday they took 6 quarts of fluid out of his tummy. Today, it’s back and tomorrow they will remove at least that much. His days are numbered. I’ve been thinking about hope where there is none. The words the doc said today, get his family here and get his affairs in order. I am stronger now because of my past experience. I was able to contact the family and request just that. I have been able to talk to Dom about what is going on. He has hope, I, on the other hand am trying my darndest to believe there is even a glimpse of hope, seen through the eyes of Dom. It sucks, I didn’t ask for this, but I know now I am where I am supposed be, beside my friend, giving him all the support, love and hope…all because of what I learned here….To my friends, Thank you! Al, thank you for the light….
July 29, 2011 @ 8:17 am
Laurie, sorry to hear about your friend. In spite of his dire circumstances, he has you to help him through. Trite though it may be….you are where you are supposed to be to help him because you’ve walked this path before. It is probably difficult for you because it brings back so many old and painful memories but you are his angel and you will guide him, comfort him and care for him until the end. May God bless you both.
July 29, 2011 @ 9:57 am
I couldn’t agree more Al, I am where I am supposed to be. I often wonder where my travels will take me with so many life changes in the last few years. The one thing I have learned and the most important, I am not alone nor will I let Dominick be alone either. God has his hand on both of us! Thanks for the support, I know I can come here anytime and find it….thats love and friendship at its best!
August 11, 2011 @ 3:06 pm
Hey, sulbte must be your middle name. Great post!
July 29, 2011 @ 2:14 pm
If you can imagine all of us, the ones who drop by here now, the ones on FB, all of us who used to be at Our Caner/My Cancer: know we’re all with you, Laurie. Our hands are joined and encircling you. You are care-giving, again, because that is who you are; I know you well enough to know you always turn toward and not away from your friends, especially when they need you. May Dom be comforted by all you do for him. Namaste, Laurie.
July 31, 2011 @ 7:29 pm
Thanks Mo…. You know I love you too…
August 11, 2011 @ 4:55 am
Gosh, I wish I would have had that infoarmtion earlier!
July 29, 2011 @ 2:32 pm
Laurie, You are right…you are where you are supposed to be at this moment. Who better to see this man through his last days than someone like you. I think we all could look to you for guidance and hope when cancer enters our lives. Peace be with you and Dom during the coming days or weeks or months…one never knows.
July 31, 2011 @ 7:30 pm
Thanks Kathie… It’s a tough road and we are blessed and much better because of our bonds of friendship through this blog…God’s peace my dear! Love and hugs to you too!
August 11, 2011 @ 12:10 pm
Whoever wrote this, you know how to make a good atricle.
August 11, 2011 @ 9:14 am
The genius store claled, they’re running out of you.
July 28, 2011 @ 6:20 pm
I remember a long discussion when I and colleagues were writing articles (these went to human resources professionals, lawyers, and other employment professionals) for our publisher about persons who are HIV-infected or have AIDS. The decision made was to not use the word “victim” (a word that tends to take away a sense of self-power and -control over something) and where we had to vary words in copy to use “AIDS patients”, “persons infected with HIV”, “persons with AIDS”, etc. Similarly, we wrote “persons with disabilities”, not “handicapped” or “disabled”. The idea was not to define the person first by the disease.
Interestingly, I never heard my brother refer to himself as a “victim” or, at the time he was NED, as a “survivor”. He always just said, “I have cancer.” or “I’m being treated for cancer.”
Recently I met an artist in her ’80s and a photographer many years younger, both of whom have had breast cancer. Both describe themselves as “survivors”.
People will use the words with which they are most comfortable. They’ll take on the words that define their perspective, their fears, their optimism or hope.
I’m good with whatever word a person uses to describe herself, because they’ve earned that right. When I write, however, I’m very careful how I use descriptors, because they reveal something about me, too.
August 11, 2011 @ 4:02 am
Smack-dab what I was looknig for-ty!
July 28, 2011 @ 4:36 pm
I can’t think of a more appropriate word. I don’t refer to myself as a survivor because it conveys to me that the battle, the event I survived is over. I know for me that it isn’t. I’m NED but I am a cancer patient. It is hidden somewhere only to re-appear when I least expect it. The battles I’ve fought have left me permanently scarred from all of the surgeries. My physical abilities have been altered and there are things I just can no longer do and some that I can still do can not be done as they once were. Emotionally and spiritually, I’m fine. I’m probably better than I have ever been…..odd to say but true.
I remain hopeful, optimistic and positive and cancer will not take these away. Survivor implies a finality so for now, I’ll just go with “I’m a cancer patient and I’m NED at this moment.” That’s pretty good!!!