Another Heart With a Hole In It
We’ve lost a lot of friends and loved ones to cancer this year. I can’t help but think about how many of us are walking around hurting because of it.
Cancer is like a hole punch to the heart.
We do what we can to live with the beast . As caregivers, we’re on the clock 24/7 trying to stay one step ahead of the next challenge coming around the bend and if we’re lucky, we manage to stay ahead of it. Sure it interferes with our normal lives, but once we understand what it will take to make a new normal, we get in a rhythm and adjust. What else can we do?
Then cancer changes the new normal and we’re thrown-off our feet. The emergency trips to the hospital begin, critical care medicine takes over from the planned treatment protocol. Care giving gets scary because we don’t really know what to do, now that the “care” part is changing. We feel our control slipping away and even if we don’t want to admit it, we know our lives are changing too.
That’s when it begins, a tiny little hole opening inside our heart. It’s the beginning of the final stage of cancer, for the caregiver.
There’s no repairing it. We live with it for the rest of our lives. Cancer’s parting gift.
September 14, 2011 @ 8:49 pm
I found out last weekend that Jim’s younger brother has been diagnosed with prostate cancer but, thanks to Jim,he knew the symptoms and visited the doctor early. He had surgery and the cancer has not spread to any other areas so for that everyone is grateful. My daughters didn’t tell me right away in an effort to protect me from one more piece of bad cancer news. That hole in my heart…so big I don’t think it will ever heal. Like you said, a parting gift of cancer.
September 14, 2011 @ 8:16 pm
My dad died from cancer (surprise) last November. He’d been sick for just short of 2 years. I was in college when Leroy’s blog and commentary were running. I remember listening to his commentary, appreciating the timbre of his voice and import of his words, and then listening to whatever Morning Edition aired afterwards.
I re-discovered his story over the weekend and spent the last few days reading every blog. I cried when I watched the video of his memorial service. It was great-exactly like what I think he would have wanted. At least from the feeling I got from reading his blogs.
I know it has been a few years but I just wanted to take a minute to say how grateful I am that he wrote his blog. When my dad got sick I deferred law school for a year, went the next year as he seemed better, and when he relapsed a few weeks into my 1L yr, drove 7 hrs each way every few weekends so I could spend time with him and my mother. My dad never said anything about his illness or dying, except once. I was extremely close to my dad and while I know he was content that I spent so much time just sitting with him while he was dying (neither one of us are/(were?) talkers) it is still nice to get an idea of the things he might have been thinking. So while I know this is a few years late…I just wanted to write to say thanks.