Dear George and Ann Marie,I am praying for you both and you oercipus little daughter. I do not pretend to know what you are feeling right now. However, I would like to share a short story with you about my amazing daughter, Amanda, and the time I sat where you are sitting. My prayer is that you might find additional comfort and hope. My little baby girl was there at Johns Hopkins when she was around 18 months old. Amanda was diagnosed with Craniosynostosis. She was going to have to have reconstructive surgery to her skull. The way I understood it, they were going to saw her skull apart and put it back together so her brain would have room to grow. Just before surgery, Dr. Carson spoke with my wife and I reassuring us and told us not to worry, he did this type of surgery all the time. I think he told us surgery would take 5 hours. After 6 bd hours I felt like climbing the walls. After 7 hours I felt like climbing out of my skin. Every feeling I had fought against my very nature as a father to be my daughter’s protector. For the first time in my life I experienced the feeling of complete helplessness and uncontrollable grief. I may have even felt some things that have not been defined or recognized as human feelings yet.Finally they came out and told us that surgery was over and everything went just fine. However, her eye lids were swollen closed and she couldn’t see. Ok…so that did it for me. I had no idea what my daughter had just gone thru or if she was in any kind of pain, but now she couldn’t see? This was just emotional overload for me. They told me that her swollen eye lids were only temporary but that didn’t offer me much comfort. She would cry and cry. I remember holding her close and rocking her so she could feel safe and secure. I remember wanting more than anything to trade places with her. I wondered how much pain she was in and what she was thinking about. She was so little and so innocent. I couldn’t wait to look into those little blue eyes again and say “daddy loves you so much”. It didn’t take very long for me to see those beautiful eyes again. And when I did, I saw hope. I was able to tell her “daddy is here, and loves you so much; everything is going to be ok”.Amanda is 16 now and a junior in high school. She will be applying to Johns Hopkins later this year to study Neuroscience. Her goal is to become a pediatric neurosurgeon.I did sit where you are sitting 14 years ago. I know it’s difficult or even impossible to see past today or even tomorrow. But I do know this for sure….I believe in a God that LOVES little children, and the same God can do ANYTHING, so I will pray that God will continue to be with Ava and heal her, I will keep you both in prayer as well.Tony Roadarmel
March 20, 2012 @ 10:34 pm
Dear George and Ann Marie,I am praying for you both and you oercipus little daughter. I do not pretend to know what you are feeling right now. However, I would like to share a short story with you about my amazing daughter, Amanda, and the time I sat where you are sitting. My prayer is that you might find additional comfort and hope. My little baby girl was there at Johns Hopkins when she was around 18 months old. Amanda was diagnosed with Craniosynostosis. She was going to have to have reconstructive surgery to her skull. The way I understood it, they were going to saw her skull apart and put it back together so her brain would have room to grow. Just before surgery, Dr. Carson spoke with my wife and I reassuring us and told us not to worry, he did this type of surgery all the time. I think he told us surgery would take 5 hours. After 6 bd hours I felt like climbing the walls. After 7 hours I felt like climbing out of my skin. Every feeling I had fought against my very nature as a father to be my daughter’s protector. For the first time in my life I experienced the feeling of complete helplessness and uncontrollable grief. I may have even felt some things that have not been defined or recognized as human feelings yet.Finally they came out and told us that surgery was over and everything went just fine. However, her eye lids were swollen closed and she couldn’t see. Ok…so that did it for me. I had no idea what my daughter had just gone thru or if she was in any kind of pain, but now she couldn’t see? This was just emotional overload for me. They told me that her swollen eye lids were only temporary but that didn’t offer me much comfort. She would cry and cry. I remember holding her close and rocking her so she could feel safe and secure. I remember wanting more than anything to trade places with her. I wondered how much pain she was in and what she was thinking about. She was so little and so innocent. I couldn’t wait to look into those little blue eyes again and say “daddy loves you so much”. It didn’t take very long for me to see those beautiful eyes again. And when I did, I saw hope. I was able to tell her “daddy is here, and loves you so much; everything is going to be ok”.Amanda is 16 now and a junior in high school. She will be applying to Johns Hopkins later this year to study Neuroscience. Her goal is to become a pediatric neurosurgeon.I did sit where you are sitting 14 years ago. I know it’s difficult or even impossible to see past today or even tomorrow. But I do know this for sure….I believe in a God that LOVES little children, and the same God can do ANYTHING, so I will pray that God will continue to be with Ava and heal her, I will keep you both in prayer as well.Tony Roadarmel