I’ve said this before…During Leroy’s cancer battle, his friends kept him engaged in living. They had the ability to kick the cancer to the curb just by sitting on the couch and visiting with him. They told him stories about work. They gossiped a little; who doesn’t like to hear the latest gossip? They sat there and remembered the great adventures they shared together. They even asked his advice on upcoming stories because they knew he’d have some terrific suggestions.
This was his support system. Friendships are magic medicine in a cancer struggle.
So, when I met a woman yesterday, following a speech I’d given about ‘Leroy and Laurie’s Life’,’ she told me how she related to our story EXCEPT for the part about having a support system. She explained her husband would not allow her to share the news with anyone about his disease. He told her he could handle it and no one needed to know that he had cancer. He didn’t share the news at work or among his friends or outside the family home. His wife was left to carry this burden alone.
She told me how difficult it was to be the lonely care giver. How she wished she could share the news with anyone.
She lost her husband to cancer. After his death, she said it was hard to explain to people that he had cancer and requested no outside support. She said they rarely used the C-word in the house.
When I finished our conversation, I felt so sad for her and the trauma of going through that journey alone. And I can’t imagine what it was like for her husband.
I don’t know what I would have done without our friends and family. There is no substitute for support when you’re going through a cancer struggle. Support stabilizes a care giver in this war.
Look at all of us in this community. It doesn’t matter if we’ve been through it, or if we’re going through it…LIFTING is what we do here.
Support is just as important as chemo, radiation or any other cancer treatment. It promotes survival.
January 21, 2012 @ 8:10 am
I feel very sad for this lady. It’s difficult enough to be a caregiver when you have support from friends and family. I could not imagine doing it alone! Invite this lady to come join our family and we will help to support her as best we can…………………Lifting
January 20, 2012 @ 6:51 pm
Sad to read this. The battle is hard enough with everyone lifting but to have to go it alone…just sad and really unnecessary. I’ve learned through many battles, even though I want to be strong enough to do it myself, that one of the greatest gifts we can give to family and friends is to allow them to help us….in whatever form or fashion that may be. Many don’t know how to help so we can lead them by saying..”It would be terrific if you could do this or that.” Would you mind…..fill in the rest” Most folks will go out of their way to help if we only allow them to. Our family is blessed. We have not only our kids and their extended families but we also have friends who have done everything possible to help us when we really needed it. Perhaps Laurie, you could include in your talks a segment about allowing others to help as a gift they can give. As we all know, the cancer battle can be a very lonely place when it is just you and your thoughts and efforts.
When my wife was about to have a triple bypass ( it was an emergency so a surprise), one of her girl friends called late in the afternoon to check on her. I told her about the early morning surgery. She asked “What hospital is she in, what room”? I said,”It is late. It is rush hour and you’ll be caught in horrendous traffic. You don’t have to go. I will be there at 5:00am.” She said “I’ve got to see her. I must see her before surgery so I am going”. She did and what a difference she made for my wife when she walked into the room. She is a special friend.
It is often not what the friend says or does but that they are there to show that they care.
January 20, 2012 @ 7:48 pm
Wonderful story.
January 20, 2012 @ 6:47 pm
I have no clue how I would have survived with this family, my family and my friends..they are truly a gift! You are so right, lifting is what we are all good at!