What happens to us when we’re told we don’t have much time left in this life?
“You’re cancer has spread.” “You have metastatic disease” “It’s time to get your affairs in order.”
It doesn’t matter which words are used, the message is so devastating and so final. Something shifts inside us, our hearts change their rhythm and we’ll never forget the moment. It’s time-stamped in our memory.
Speaking from the care-givers corner, it’s a shock to hear those words. I don’t care how many times you’ve been told how serious things are, you always hold on to the hope that something will change the odds and the outcome. For me, the tears came without warning. They just rolled down my cheeks in a constant stream and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I don’t think I heard another word after that either. The world had shifted and thrown me off my axis.
I think it’s different for the patient. All the time and energy that had been spent going through treatment and all the highs and lows of going through cancer period, has prepared the patient. They become so wise beyond their years fighting this disease that when those terrible words spill out, they slide to another level of acceptance. Maybe that’s when they achieve that ‘inner peace’ we’ve talked about so often. Look into their eyes and even though they’re so sad that the end is near, they move to a place that allows them to begin a plan to say good-bye on their own terms.
Cancer does so many terrible things to those of us who have been touched by it. The more I think of it, the more I realize it also teaches us one of life’s most valuable lessons. We might not get all the years we think we need to make a full life. Our future is our present. It is our most precious gift.
March 21, 2012 @ 4:04 am
In times like these words fail to say enough. A verse of spcrrtuie I find helpful in times of sorrow is Romans 8:26-27 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us[a] with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. To the family I pray that you can rest in God’s perfect peace and for sweet precious baby Ava I pray that you can grow up and learn what it is to love another. That you will know what it is to find joy and what it is to have your heart broken. Life isn’t easy but I pray that you get to experience it for its ups and downs. I hope with all my heart and pray with all my strength that God brings you through this and you can continue to bless your family with your beautiful face, smile and laughter. May God show His love, mercy and peace. My prayers and love are with you sweet baby and your family.
March 8, 2012 @ 8:58 am
Amen. Laurie, you say so well all of the things that so many have thought about but were unable to express because the end of a life’s journey was near. Hopkins should ask you to come to speak to each class of residents particularly in oncology, surgery, etc. They should hear your words and perhaps use the wisdom in your words to help others they’ll encounter as they enter their own practices. Never enough humanity in the practice of medicine.
March 21, 2012 @ 2:40 am
Very interesting rcaitle. Couldn’t of written any better. Reading this post reminds me of my old chum. He constantly kept talking about this. I will forward this post to him. Am sure he will have a good chuckle. Thanks for sharing!
March 7, 2012 @ 7:54 pm
Like so many devastating moments in one’s life, you always remember the where and the when of those words. I never lost hope eventhough we had been told where this disease was going but the realization put me in such a daze I felt like I floated out of my body. It breaks my heart to think of you crying and hearing the news that would forever change your life. I know we have all been there and we hurt for each other. Today I had a “milestone” birthday and to know that Jim and my sister Joann were not here to share it just kept me in tears or on verge most of the day. Thank God for work. Laurie, you have such strength and you have helped so many people with the knowledge that cancer world forced upon you but you hurt and miss Leroy just as we do. You are in my thoughts often and of course I am here everyday to “listen” to you. Take care and enjoy the beautiful day tomorrow.
March 21, 2012 @ 6:53 am
Yes, it is. With stage IV breast cencar the choice of chemotherapy treatment depends on the patient’s goal of treatment. If the goal of treatment is to reduce symptoms and improve quality of life, it may be more desirable to select a chemotherapy treatment with minimal side effects. On the other hand, if the goal of treatment is to attempt to cure the cencar, treatment with more aggressive chemotherapy regimens is opted. Either way, all the new advanced drug therapies have recorded average survival rates of fewer than 24 months—so your mom sure had a passion for life! Here are some recent trial findings:ET (Ellenceae (epirubicin) and Taxotereae (docetaxel)): In a randomized clinical trial comparing ET to FEC (fluorouracil, epirubicin, and cyclophosphamide) as first-line therapy for stage IV breast cencar, the response rate to ET was 63%, compared to 31% for FEC. The average time to cencar progression was 8.6 months for patients treated with ET, compared to 6.1 months for patients treated with FEC.TAC (docetaxel, doxorubicin, and cyclophosphamide): In an attempt to further improve treatment, a third drug has been added to the combination of doxorubicin and docetaxel and evaluated as initial treatment for patients with stage IV breast cencar. Two years following treatment, nearly 60% of patients were still alive. The average survival had not yet been established past two years following treatment.AT (doxorubicin and paclitaxel): A recent clinical trial evaluated the use of AT in patients with stage IV breast cencar. Patients received AT or a common chemotherapy combination consisting of fluorouracil, doxorubicin and cyclophosphamide (FAC). The results of the two groups were then directly compared. The average survival time was 23.3 months for patients receiving AT versus 18.3 months for patients receiving FAC.Taxotereae (docetaxel) and Xelodaae (capecitabine): Researchers conducted a clinical trial to directly compare docetaxel plus capecitabine to docetaxel alone in the treatment of patients with stage IV breast cencar. Patients who received treatment with docetaxel/capecitabine were more likely to experience anti-cancer responses, have a longer time to cencar progression and survive longer when compared to patients treated with docetaxel alone. One year following therapy, 57% of patients treated with docetaxel/capecitabine had survived, compared to only 47% of patients treated with docetaxel alone.Gemzarae (gemcitabine): Recently, clinical trials indicated that gemcitabine and paclitaxel is an effective treatment option for initial therapy of stage IV breast cencar. In one trial, researchers from France treated 36 patients with stage IV breast cencar or locally advanced breast cencar with gemcitabine and paclitaxel. Following therapy, approximately 42% of patients had an anti-cancer response. The average time to cencar progression was approximately 7.5 months.