The Secret Clock…
I can’t hear it ticking but I know it’s there, my secret clock.
It must be hidden under the layers of my heart where the beats skipped the day I lost Leroy. That’s when it started running. At 11:15 pm on August 15th, 2008 this fragile time piece began recording time. Not just days and nights, it’s much more precise than that.
This clock keeps to itself, until I find myself in some sort of anniversary window. A time on the calendar that was a day or week or memory that my special clock doesn’t want me to forget. Sometimes I’ll feel like I’m off my game and I can’t figure out why. I don’t fall into a funk very often, but when I do, I’ve learned over these last 3 1/2 years that my secret clock is ticking louder than usual. Sure enough, the calendar will usually ring out the letters L-E-R-O-Y.
The other night a friend of mine, who is mourning the loss of her husband, told me she was having a few, really “rough days.” She couldn’t figure out what made them rougher than usual.
I pointed out it was six months since the death of her loved one. A real marker when you’re going through such a big loss.
Her secret clock is ticking too. She’ll learn to listen for it as time goes by.
March 21, 2012 @ 1:01 pm
To baby Ava and the DelRicco family you are in the harets and minds of many with love and prayers constantly. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please stay strong God hears our prayers. I believe in miracles Dear Lord please show your mercy on this beautiful little angel. Give her the strength to heal and grow strong. Please show the miracle of your love for all of us, by making little Ava whole again, please allow her a full recovery. Please let her family start seeing the power of your love with signs that Ava is getting better everyday. Thank you Jesus for all of our blessings. I know you are holding this little girl and her family in the palm of your hand. God Bless the DelRicco family your prayers are being answered. Keep your faith strong and continue to believe in the power of love and prayers.
March 12, 2012 @ 4:05 pm
Thank you for giving this an official name. It is something I have experienced. There does seem to be some physical memory of traumatic events.
March 20, 2012 @ 10:30 pm
This is the hand of Christ found in the original lobby of the Hospital under the Dome. The sautte was given to Hopkins Hopsital by one of the trustees. It is one piece of marble. The staue is a place where our patients and their familes find peace and comfort.
March 8, 2012 @ 7:16 pm
I think my clock ticks more for events than dates…birthdays and anniversaries. Everyday things are difficult enough but the special days we should be sharing and enjoying are most difficult.
March 20, 2012 @ 9:34 pm
I’m guessing that it’s hoidlay lights wrapped around one of the lampposts on the with the in bokeh in the background. If I recall, the were part of a campus-wide transforming gift from an anonymous donor that beautified the Homewood campus in the Summer of 2000.And because it’s not just the large gifts but also the smallest contributions (like hoidlay lights) that makes the Hopkins community what it is, I’ll also take a moment to say a big Thank You! to the dedicated grounds staff whose hard work and dedication help to make Homewood one of the prettiest places to be not only during the hoidlays, but year-round.
March 8, 2012 @ 7:13 pm
Laurie,
I love this image and think all of us have these amazing internal clocks, we just need to listen.
I don’t know why this touched me so much, but I’m sure I’ll find out shortly.
Thanks for keeping this community in touch.
Sondra
March 21, 2012 @ 12:47 am
My heart is so heavy for your beautiful mifaly after watching Ava’s story. I cannot imagine the strength it must take for all of you, even Sage to get up every day. The Lord is watching over you and he is holding Ava’s hand right now. I am brought to tears as I sit here a mother myself and contemplate your pain. When our children hurt all we want to do is rush to their side and fix what is wrong. Whether it’s peroxide and a band aid or their vaccinations at the Dr. The pain we feel as parents when we can’t fix what is broken is the worst of kind of pain. I pray for you to have the strength for Ava and one another as such a tragedy has impacted you. I pray for you to have strength for Sage and to be able to continue being the best parents you can to her during this difficult time. I pray that the Lord lay his mighty hand on top of that angel you have and may his amazing power and love penetrate through all of her earthly wounds and may she not only rise but may she walk, skip, run and conquer over the evil and show this world that miracles do exist. May God bless you abundantly and may every person who see’s your story be moved. In our Father’s name, Amen.