Planning the Good-Bye..
We never want them to suffer with the pain that cancer brings in its final stages.
We’d do anything to give them one more day with us, if it weren’t for the pain.
It’s a dilemma we’ve all faced when the scans reveal the images of encroaching darkness. Cancer makes its final moves with no regard to day or night. It pushes aside the chemo, jumps over its radiated sister-cells and simply takes over.
So we’re left with preparing the road to take our final steps with our loved ones.
Final good-byes are so personal. Some of us like to roll back the pages of our lives together. We do it with old photos, old videos, even a dress or a suit that has hung in the closet for years. Maybe we wore it to a family celebration many anniversaries ago. Reminiscing sometimes softens the heart break of a good-bye.
Some of us gather family and friends and tell old stories that remind us all of better times. Remembering adventures helps us to forget about the cancer days because there was no cancer then, just strong, robust warriors who had the world at their feet.
There was a future to think about then.
There’s been too many family and friends saying their final good-byes in our group lately. Does cancer have a season, when it takes the control out of our hands and counts its victims while we stand-by and watch? Some times it seems that way. I’m not sure we ever really have control, but I know we do have the ability to guide the final path.
We do it with love, understanding and with as little pain as possible.
March 30, 2012 @ 7:58 pm
Death will visit us all one day…..sometimes we can see it coming but just uncertain when it will arrive. Other times, it is unexpected and seems to come when our guard has no warning. We expect that the old will die….age is sometimes a good gauge but still it is not as predictable as we would guess. The young and the very young often are taken by the beast long, oh so long before they have had an opportunity to really live. Control is elusive…just when we think we have it, something occurs to burst that bubble. The old adage “Live each day as if it is your last” has some merit but often even this is taken to extremes. So I hope and pray that when I see death on my horizon I will have enough time and my wits about me to say goodbye to the ones I love…..yes I’d like to reminisce a little and have time for “do you remember when” but it is only my wish and often death’s entrance into our lives does not allow us these precious moments. So perhaps something to consider…a friend of mine whose husband was dying from colon cancer decided to have a “living wake” with her husband….friends and family came to say goodbye and each was given sometime, alone with her husband, to reminisce, say what needed to be said, cried and hugged. At the end everyone was exhausted but was so happy to have had such an opportunity. It also sent her husband along his way with no regrets. Some few days later he died. She still talks about this event even 10 years after his death as the single best thing she has ever done. I give her a hug and say “I agree”.