YOU Get It….
I’m always reminded about how special this little blog is when I have my own “moment” of cancer hurt. We may not be the biggest blogging community, but you are by far, the best.
I thank you all for “lifting” me these last few days.
Could it be that it’s getting harder instead of easier to accept this loss? I heard from one of Leroy’s sisters’ just the other day. She told me, she feels a stronger sense of grief now, than when he died in 2008. The finality is sinking in and it hurts.
I guess that’s not too unusual. Some grief experts will counsel family members that they could experience more profound feelings of loss a few years after the death of a loved one.
I’m not in that group. It hit me like a brick immediately. Those were intense times, being a care-giver. We were in it together every day, all day. When he died, it all stopped. What had become a life style, abruptly ended. I’d lost some one I loved dearly and my world, as I’d known it for a very long time, came to a screeching halt.
And over the cliff I went. Grief wasted no time finding me.
But grief isn’t what I feel now. Sad, is still what I feel now. I miss Leroy. On days that have even more meaning regarding his life, I’m even sadder still. But I also have all of you.
You understand. You “get it.” I’m sorry you “get it,” but I’m happy you’re here.
June 21, 2012 @ 9:04 am
I have read all of your postings and I am touched by each one’s honesty and feeling.
Ned, beautifully said…..like you I find great peace and comfort in visiting the family plot in our tiny cemetery. I walk among the headstones and markers and remember the many good times and cherished moments. One day my wife and I will join them and take our places as a part of our family’s history. Until that time, I rely upon the memories created over many years and stored in my heart to lighten even the darkest days. Cemeteries, for me, are places to remember, to laugh, cry, to speak and to listen. Close your eyes, slow your breathing and listen with your heart and be at peace.
June 21, 2012 @ 8:11 am
We have all gone through the most difficult times with the loss of our loved ones and the horrible years of living in ” Cancer World ” I just want to say that I’m not happy being a member of this community, but, I’m so very fortunate……….Thank you Laurie for being here……….Lifting
June 20, 2012 @ 7:24 pm
Finally…you have explained it so clearly. I thought I was getting to the “accepting” stage and for the last few months I have been sliding steadily backwards. This past Sunday was one of the worst days I have had since the initial devastation of losing Jim. I have been told the true grief part has a pretty definite time period and then it becomes depression. I think you have shown me that the grief has probably eased up and the sadness has hit hard. You know we will always be here for you as you have been for us Laurie. Our sorrow has welded us together as a very strong support system. Thank you..
June 21, 2012 @ 1:33 am
Please take care of yourself. You are stronger than you realize. I was praying at Penny’s graveside this evening when the etchings on the monument demanded a review of the last four years. I just got off my knees and turned and sat on my own resting place. This was the last place my partner would want me to be-sitting in front of my own name,reflecting on dates opened and closed. It is the beginning of summer-time for doing and sharing.Would she recognize the pathetic reactionary who,sooner than later,will be back at her side? No pity parties-that’s what she would say and (I believe) that’s her daily message. I screw up and I can’t get a handle on a lot of things.If I’m broken then so be it. I don’t have to be “fixed”. What I have to be is the best part of us. I’m to listen to the echo and I’m to be still just long enough for that sweetness to settle in my heart.
June 20, 2012 @ 6:40 pm
Well said Mo! Laurie.. We’ve got your back girl! I think I can safely say… We are so totally here for each other! When those “tough” days come crashing down, we all know where to go to ” lift” us back up! And when tragedy, sadness, fear or heartache strikes us, Leroy’s garden is the home we run back to…
June 20, 2012 @ 6:19 pm
I don’t think we could go on living if the grief were not transformed. We have, at some point, to experience in a different way. The love, though, that never changes.