I’m convinced you have to go back before you move forward.
Unfortunately I have too many friends who have lost their spouses to cancer. These were their best friends. They shared so many years of love, happiness, sad times too. I’m not saying it was all perfect and yes they had disagreements, like the rest of us, but they experienced life with these people. They had plans to grow old with them.
And when cancer came into these lives, it all changed except for the memories. That was one thing cancer couldn’t steal. What had been, would always be there. Where they met; that place would always be special. Favorite spots;restaurants, vacation spots, or neighborhood hang-outs; those doors would always be open.
So I guess that explains why so many of my friends, who fall into this category are now returning to those places to remember. We all feel the need to go back, before we can go forward. I go to Maui every October as a way to reconnect. We had some of our best days there and I have a little memorial on the beach that gives me such peace. I truly hope in some way Leroy feels that peace too.
Does it help me to move forward each year? I think it probably does. It’s not a “letting-go” act, it’s more like an exhale. It allows me to take deeper breaths than the year before.
Back to past to see a better tomorrow.
August 7, 2012 @ 6:50 am
I don’t know why, but I’m probably one of the few people that don’t like to reflect back ………it makes me too sad. I try and block out everything, even the good times. Is this healthy, probably not, but this is just who I have become. If i don’t think……..I don’t hurt……….lifting
August 6, 2012 @ 10:12 pm
I like that, deeper breaths than the year before, a perfect description of the slow letting go, the slow crawl to deep breaths again.
I hope you get those great big deep breaths.
August 6, 2012 @ 8:43 pm
In his reflection today, Mark Nepo wrote, “Like it or not, we are all asked to be in relationship with loss and grief. Over the years, I have discovered that grief doesn’t go away but teaches us how to discover our strength and resilience by staying with deep and inexplicable feelings over long periods of time. In truth, grief, once we move through its painful opening, reveals our more lasting connections to the Universe….” (His reflection includes a poem, “The Angel of Grief”, found on the Three Intentions site.)
I learned yesterday that a brilliant man I’m acquainted with, whose wife, a writer, calls him “Mr Wonderful”, was diagnosed this past week with renal cell carcinoma. A scan he’d had taken for another reason revealed the cancer. As his wife wrote on her blog, in that moment of learning the results, everything changed. Please keep “Mr Wonderful” in your prayers.
August 6, 2012 @ 8:26 pm
Hopeful thoughts…
August 6, 2012 @ 6:51 pm
I totally get this Laurie…