This was the day, four years ago when we realized how many people had been reading, following and blogging on “My Cancer.”
Thousands of comments from all over the world were recorded on the website when word spread about Leroy’s death. We thought we knew that there was a solid following on the blog, but it turned out there were so many ‘lurkers’ who finally stepped out of the shadows to write a note of appreciation to a man who spoke from his heart and from his head about a cancer that would steal his life at the age of 53.
I heard from so many of those folks again yesterday. It was such a sad day for me, but the notes and emails helped pull me through the hardest hours.
Leroy, how I wish there was some way for you to know just how much you taught us, as you were going through this life-ending ordeal.
I remember, when you started to dictate your daily blog to me because it was just too hard for you to sit at the computer. I would stop sometimes, because it was too painful for me to hear your thoughts. I’ve gone back into the “My Cancer” blog and reread so many of your entries. It’s made me wonder, did your cancer struggle change the way you looked at life or did your life experiences before cancer mold these ideals, only to have the cancer make the final adjustments to these beliefs?
I will never forget the day we got the report on those final scans; the cancer had exploded and there was no more treatment. You looked at the three of us in the exam room and said, “I’ve had a great life.” “There’s no mountain I need to climb before I die…I’ve had great adventures.” I could hardly breathe hearing you say those words. Thinking back, I’m convinced, that could have been the most honest statement I ever heard you make.
I learned so much from you during our life together, but that may have been the moment that stands-out the most.
I only wish you knew how much.
August 17, 2012 @ 9:55 pm
A day six years ago when I was struggling to figure out what in the world had happened to my little world, a voice came over the radio as I was driving to work. It was Leroy reading his blog. I was in awe of the power in his words, the truth in his prose. I made sure to listen every time he was on the radio, I watched him on the TV when he was on with his friend Ted.
I wept each time for us all after hearing him, knowing the truth, rather feeling the truth in his words.
I wept when he died and hated this disease a little more that day.
Laurie I can only wish you the peace that he brought to me when I was in need of it. I wish the grief would lift and not return to haunt you.
I can tell you that you have carried on his tradition of honesty and insight in an equally powerful way.
You have helped to hold this community together and to help push it along.
For this I thank you.
August 17, 2012 @ 10:05 am
Laurie,
Your strength is inspiring and amazing. I know you ask for people on the blog to keep lifting (and they sure have), but I think Leroy has has been holding you the whole time. He won’t let you fall. Praying for you!
August 17, 2012 @ 6:56 am
I have tears in my eyes after reading this post. Be well dear Laurie. I wish you peace……….still lifting…..
August 16, 2012 @ 9:17 pm
Laurie…my heart is breaking for you as I read your words that are straight from your heart. I know how difficult yesterday was for you but you made it through one more anniversary by holding onto those precious memories. I owe a lot to you and to Leroy…thank you.