He’s a good husband. He’s a great dad. He works hard and does things to make the world a better place.
Now, he’s learning what it means to be a care giver.
His wife is clawing her way back from a very tough battle with breast cancer. They have gone through what so many others have and are facing. There’s been surgery, grueling chemo therapy and radiation that used-up whatever energy was left in her body.
He’s been there for her and for their kids, but it’s been a struggle. Some days she’s wanted him to be there. I mean right there to provide support, from ice chips to control the nausea to the strong arm that anchors her as she walks the halls at home. Other days, she prefers just being left alone. It’s confusing to him. Is he doing enough? Is he doing the right thing?
I’ve tried to tell him that care giving is not a science. Each care giver is born out of necessity and it happens in a heartbeat, so there is no preparation time. AND, the most important part…there is no perfect care giver.
He’s managing now…there have been hard days where I know he’s scratched his head and wondered if he will get through this.
He just needs to be the best he can be.
January 29, 2013 @ 8:44 am
When I was a caregiver in the “pre-Leroy days,” there were days when I felt as if I were the only one and was very unsure what to do. Thanks to this blog, I not longer feel that way. Even if I become the person in need of care, I am armed with lots more understanding.
January 28, 2013 @ 8:44 pm
He will do fine as long as he “goes with the flow”. Patients and caregivers never know what is around the next turn but love for the other makes it work. He is very lucky to have you for guidance on the journey.
January 28, 2013 @ 7:05 pm
He’ll persist for as long as it takes. He’ll make mistakes, some large and some small ones but not because he is not trying to do his best. No “”How To” book available and it would only serve in a very general way. He may not get it “right” but it will not be for the lack of trying. I know..I’ve been both the patient and the caregiver..neither is a situation we’d wish for anyone but it happens and we adapt. This may sound sexist but it is not meant to be. It is just my observation of life. Women are far more skilled at caregiving…intellectually, emotionally and skill wise. Men, like me, just want to solve the problem and make it better now!!!! There are exceptions to all that I have stated!!! Just looking at my situation with the same woman for 48 years. She has had lots of OJT with me over these many years…coming up soon on 20 surgeries she has nursed me through…changing dressings, removing stitches, giving shots, etc. I have not had her experience thankfully but I would do for her as she has done for me for the rest of our journey.
Caregivers usually become caregivers out of necessity..OJT. Laurie with your help and guidance, he’ll get better at caregiving and he’ll thank you for your teaching or suggesting to him how to be the best he can be. Best wishes to them both.