She thought she was falling apart.  The pressure of being a care giver had finally tipped the scales of her life and she was beginning to see the cracks in her otherwise, strong resolve. 

This cancer struggle was getting to be too much.  She wouldn’t…couldn’t talk about it with her loved one because he was the one actually going through the battle against the disease.  He had enough on his plate.  She would have to endure her own battle of coping without showing him how hard it had become for her too.

And somehow she did..she found strength through friends and support after finally giving-in and hiring help with household chores and even a little extra outside care-giving too.  Once again, she could manage the hours in the day when it was more important to be the best friend and confidant.  She did this until the cancer took his life.

Now she’s back at work.  She’s back at life.  But she’s wondering where that person went, BC.  Before cancer she was outgoing, social, smiling.  If you saw her at the grocery store, you wouldn’t think anything was different.  But if you knew her, you would know.  She knows.  She can function in the world just fine. Still, she searches for that piece that has gone missing.  The piece that didn’t come back after the care-giving, after the loss. 

There’s no telling her, right now anyway, that sometimes those pieces stay lost forever.

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