Breathing better…

I don’t want you to think for a minute, that tossing the remnants yesterday, of Leroy’s cancer care at home was easy…it wasn’t and it didn’t come without a sleepless night of rewinding back to those last months of his life. 

I had one of those 2a.m., 4a.m. and 5:30 a.m. wake-up sessions last night and each time I opened my eyes, I knew I had been thinking (not dreaming) of  a time when he needed any of those items that had landed in the garage. 

Funny, because I really thought I’d packed-up those memories and stored them in the library of my brain.  I’ve tried so hard these past years to replace those images with happier times.   Self preservation plays a role here…dwelling on the hard parts is not good for the heart.  Besides that, I’m lucky enough to have so many wonderful images of the good times scattered around the house.  There are pictures, dried flowers from special occasions, gifts and best of all, handwritten notes from Leroy that I cherish. 

So letting go of those “other” things yesterday just allowed me to breathe a little easier.

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