So what’s still in your closest? What’s in your storage unit?
Shirts, shoes, a bathrobe, a favorite pair of hiking shorts? The hat they wore on a day-off that still smells like they just walked out of the shower?
We can let go of so many pieces of cancer but it is so hard to let go of THEM.
We were in a different place as the care giver. Our lives got smaller and the cancer spread. We did everything we could to make it easier on them. We made favorite foods. We bought anything and everything that made them more comfortable. We researched every treatment and we were there for the surgeries, the chemo and the radiation.
Slowly we found ways of discarding those old cancer bones, but we hold on to the things that still bring them close, when we need a fix.
And what about the dreams? They were the plans we all had, that stretched across the years that included growing old together. Those have been neatly tucked away in a special place of remembrance.
Cancer came and cancer moved-on….the shirts, the shoes and hats…they stay right where they belong.
May 24, 2013 @ 2:17 pm
We recently lost my brother-in-law, and this sudden loss has been exceptionally hard on the family. My youngest daughter kept one of his hats and wore it at the wake and during parts of the funeral. Every so often she takes it out just to remember what her favorite uncle smelled like. It’s good that she can find comfort.
May 23, 2013 @ 5:58 am
Made my heart smile to come here in the middle of the night and find comments from Kathie & Laurie. We’ve “known” each other for years through you & Leroy. And Kathie & I finally met at Camp Widow last month! My thanks to Leroy’s beautiful garden and to you, Laurie.
May 26, 2013 @ 12:53 am
I think we need to consider a “gathering” of Leroy’s garden where we can all meet. I am so close to so many of you and yet so far away. Following you on FB and watching your journey and being able to lift you through another social media is at best… amazing. I don’t know how I could have survived any of these last 5 years with out this garden. Thank you just doesn’t seem to cut it…but it’s all I have and it comes from deep within my heart.
May 22, 2013 @ 9:16 pm
As I said yesterday, I have a few of those remembrances that I will always keep. I can wear that shirt when I need a hug, I can snuggle up in his bathrobe when I am cold and need to feel the warmth of his body I miss so much. It’s those little things that are hard to let go of. I am so afraid that if I let go of them, will I lose the memory too? I doubt it, but it scares me. I don’t want to ever forget what we shared. Our dreams? Those are shattered, my life, it’s been nothing short of one heck of a ride! From Mississippi to California and now, soon, back to Kansas. The one thing that never changes, I am still the odd person out. In Kansas I have friends, single and married, my kids, and soon a grand daughter. And I have opportunity…..I feel like going back to Kansas will be coming full circle. Will I ever forget? Will I ever remove these items? Not likely…it’s what holds me together when I need it most….just like this place..Leroy’s garden and my family here. Here, we understand… we know and we lift….
May 22, 2013 @ 8:16 pm
I dare say we all have many items that are reminders of the good times…of a normal life lived together. I have a shed full of tools and power stuff that I won’t use and favorite fleece jackets and hats…oh my the list goes on and on. We need that stuff for comfort.