Leaving the best behind…
If you live in cancer world, as a care giver or patient, at some point you’ve no doubt talked about what happens if the cancer wins the fight.
There’s usually talk about a will, a power of attorney, a medical power of attorney and many other legal documents that are part of the “cancer conversation.” Have you talked about leaving a legacy letter or a video that leaves the best of who you are?
When we talk about those we’ve lost to cancer, we remember them so fondly and at some point say “He did such-and-such so well.” or “She was so good at (fill in the blank).” Some times I think we just would like to be able to see them on a DVD because we miss their voice so much or we like to remember them smiling and talking and healthy.
Legacy letters are becoming part of what some doctor’s call their suggestion package when they discuss palliative care issues with cancer patients. The legacy letter, or leaving something behind to pass along to loved ones is food for thought.
It’s leaving behind the best part of who they were and how they wanted to be remembered. You can’t beat a time capsule like that.
July 1, 2013 @ 9:42 pm
As painful as videos can be, at some point they will be comforting. We are fortunate to have quite a few home videos and some of Jim playing his music. I just haven’t reached the point where I can watch them yet.
July 1, 2013 @ 6:45 pm
If it is possible, considering proximity to the patient, someone should try to be an integral part of the “team” who is caring for them. Visit with them, talk to them by phone…spend as much time as possible with them until the end. Let some time pass…then begin to write from memory those times, moments, etc. Hindsight is still a good way to capture special memories…a snippet here and a snippet there. Eventually, you’ve captured the essence of the person and the shared memories.
A friend’s wife died some 15 years ago from melanoma. Saw their daughter recently we talked about all of the good times we shared in their hot tub…singing old country songs, times when the kids were little and we were at the beach with them, times at the Rainbow Music Hall ( a redneck bar where we saw David Allen Coe perform ( he’s a very old now ex-convict) and he is famous in some very small circles for singing “You Don’t Have to Call Me Darling, Darling…You Don’t Even Have To Call Me By My Name.” I said that it was a red neck bar!!!!!. So many fond memories that do bring us all joy and yes some sadness.
Memories will keep you through the tough times…bring some tear.s and pain but also much joy. You shared the times so cherish them and when possible, keep them alive by recounting them once again.
July 1, 2013 @ 5:43 pm
When my brother died, someone put together a slide show that could be viewed during visitation hours. Those pictures sparked so much remembrance, so many conversations, even laughter. They were some of the best photos of Patrick; there were a number I hadn’t seen before, and that made them special, too.