So, how many ‘new normals” do we have to go through before we feel ‘normal’ again?
Sasha wrote that she’s in a new normal after losing John four years ago. I feel the same way, but for me it’s been five years since Leroy died. We all have talked about finding our new life after losing our loved one and it is not an easy task. But when you think about it, what we thought was normal went away after we heard “You have cancer” from the doctor. We turned into care givers, something we had no training for, but something that we became very good at because we had no choice. That was a new normal too. That was ‘new normal’ number one. And as the months or years rolled on, and we settled into our cancer world lives, with treatments, doctor appointments and curves in the road we never saw coming, we made another ‘new normal’ and tried to incorporate some of our old life into the adjusted life. ‘New normal’ number two.
Then the worst happened and we lost our loved ones to cancer and “Hello new normal number three.” This one came with whiplash because even though we knew what the word metastatic meant, we always thought our person would rewrite the medical books and live. At least we thought that in our hearts.
Now, so many of us are a few years down the road and we’ve made a new life for ourselves because what choice do we have? But it’s different again because that’s what life is, different every time you turn around.
And, I’m about to stop counting ‘new normals’ because I just don’t want to count any more.
Just bring ’em on….
October 7, 2013 @ 9:17 pm
I’m not sure I like the new “normal” phrase..I prefer distractions! Although it is a new normal for so many of us. It’s 5+ years since Neil was taken from me and just today I was talking with him. I think I have had more of those conversations with him this past 3 months than in the past. Just when I was getting comfortable with my life in CA, my daughter surprised me with being pregnant. After a visit back to KS, I realized it was more important to be here and support her than to stay in CA and be alone. Sure, I had my friends and my parents, but I needed my kids, I needed to find a new normal for me. More distractions!
After 3 months of job searching, I finally found a temporary position and started today, I have an interview tomorrow for a position that will allow me to grow, get a home and start over…. again! I have found the “new normal” 3 times since Neil died. Personally, I just want to stay in the “new normal” for a lot longer. I am ready to relax, to rest, to stop running and to find my peace. Every time I hold my beautiful little grand daughter… I think I have. I think now i have come full circle… I am close to my son, my daughter and future daughter in law… and I have a new life to watch grow…Ellie is amazing and she is my peace.
It’s about the journey..finding peace along the way.. and enjoying the “normal”. Learning how to be distracted!
Always lifting…and Sasha.. I love you and am so proud of you for continuing the journey and finding just how amazing you really are!
Laurie
October 7, 2013 @ 8:55 pm
Going to be a year on Thursday. I’m not liking this new normal. I prefer the life I had. So I’ve created a set of distractions, hoping I wont think about it so much. The distractions help, but the emptiness is always hovering right below the surface looking for the slightest opening to work it’s way out. I hope one day to get to a place where I am more grateful than sad.
October 7, 2013 @ 8:04 pm
I don’t like the “new normal” but I wasn’t given a choice so I must adapt. As the dark comes earlier I begin to dread the long evenings of winter. In my former life it was extra time at home with the person I was most comfortable with, enjoying time we thought would never end. I think the onset of darkness has me in a pensive frame of mind but I will adjust to this as well. We are, after all, survivors.