Calendars can be cruel

I remember those first dates on the calendar after Leroy had passed away.  He died in August, so the Holiday season wasn’t that far away and I dreaded turning the pages of the calendar.

First up was Halloween and for us, that was a yearly extravaganza of a party. I have yet to open any of the storage boxes that hold all the decorations from all those years making memories.

The first Thanksgiving was so awful for me too.  There was no table filled with the usual laughter and story telling and great food.  The house was silent and I was so sad.

The “firsts” are hard.

I have a friend who is experiencing a “first” birthday of her loved one today.  He’s not here to celebrate.  He died of pancreatic cancer and my friend, his widow, aches in his absence.

Notes to her, let her know her friends share the weight of a day like this and I guess that helps a little,  but truthfully, these kinds of days are so personal, so full of flashbacks of a time before cancer ruined that life, it’s just a matter of getting through the day.

This should be a day of celebration, but it’s not.

Hopefully daybreak will clear the air….for awhile any way.


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