Friendship isn’t easy in cancer world…
How much can friends push friends with cancer?
I got a call today from a friend who has a friend with pancreatic cancer that has metastasized to her liver. Her prognosis is not good. In fact this person’s doctor told her there really isn’t any more treatment available for her condition.
My friend is searching for a way to help her friend. What to do? She doesn’t want to sit back and do nothing, but at the same time, her friend, the patient is giving off signals that she just wants her friends to be friends, NOT advocates. She doesn’t want her pals to turn to the internet, searching for treatment ideas. She doesn’t want her friends to ask too many questions either.
She’s obviously looking for some peace and understanding.
But my friend is uncomfortable just standing by, watching this cancer explode. She can’t stand that she’s giving this cancer permission to spread without any intervention.
After listening to this story today, and offering up some suggestions, I finally came to the conclusion that this cancer victim has come to a decision about her life and it is her decision.
Friends can be the best friends in this situation by understanding that message and being supportive. It’s not their choice to make.
Some times being a friend means stepping back.
January 11, 2014 @ 12:01 pm
Our friend from Meals On Wheels, Alice, has been accepted into hospice…just waiting for a bed. She told her doctor, no more treatments. Her cancer has spread throughout her body so she cannot eat solid food and survives on water and ginger ale. The end is not far away.
My daughter and I told her we would come to hospice to visit her and that pleased her. She has nothing, no money and no material possessions of any value so the Sisters at Our Lady of Perpetual Help have accepted her and will tend to her ’til the end. We really don’t know her life story and it isn’t important now. She has allowed us to be her friend and that’s enough. She has sisters but they want nothing to do with her. No friends that we have ever seen have come to visit in the 3 years we’ve known her.
I know that the Sisters will take care of her and be there when she dies. It is just so sad to see her alone. We’ll try to visit as we can. Since we are not family, I hope that the Sisters will let me know when she dies so that if a service is held, we’ll go. She is our friend and we’ll honor her by saying goodbye in person if allowed. Say a prayer for a peaceful goodbye for Alice.
January 11, 2014 @ 11:26 am
I’ve always had the greatest respect for my brother Patrick when he said, no, no more.
As difficult as it may be for friends and loved ones to accept, the decision is the individual’s. One thing we all might all take time to understand is that quality of life, in those final days or hours, matters and that quality is not always obtained through one more trial, one more surgery, one more drug to try.
May this friend of a friend experience the blessing of simply sitting bedside, holding a hand, reading a passage from a book, or enjoying the silence that two who love each other might share.
January 10, 2014 @ 11:35 pm
Courage is the greatest defense against cancer.Beautiful and basic message today-a source of peace.Tears are ok.Truth is not defeat and we just have to remember to be our own best friend.
January 10, 2014 @ 11:09 pm
This entry reminds me of well-meaning family members who opposed my husband’s treatment for colorectal cancer. They wanted him to go to M.D. Anderson, but his physician helped him achieve what he wanted, which was to sleep in his own bed at night. I remember it as a stressful time because we knew they cared deeply, but he was not going to follow their demands. May this friend help her friend achieve her wishes because they will both receive a blessing.
January 10, 2014 @ 7:52 pm
I did this with my sister…she had the same cancer and there was nothing to help and I accepted it. Of course I would love to have her still here but she gave me such a great gift by letting me care for her until the end. She made peace with her death as did I.It was hard but I wanted to respect here wishes and I think it was easier on her.