Tough question…harder answer
There are people who help you through difficult times in your life and you think if they were there, by your side, during the worst times, they’d be there forever.
I mean if these “friends” were there for the worst of it, they’d surely be there when life showed its softer side.
You can’t get through cancer’s punch without support from special people who make an effort to lighten the load any way they can. A meal, a ride, babysitting, sitting in a waiting room just because they know you might need some support after a scan or an exam. These are FRIENDS.
So when a woman, going through post cancer tremors, asked me, when one of those “friends” turned out NOT to be one of those friends, what in the world should she do? She felt sad and so disappointed.
Ironclad friendships are made in times of distress and cancer certainly fits that description. Finding out a friend put a “best used before” time stamp on that friendship changes your world all over again.
And there’s no easy answer to the question.
February 10, 2014 @ 4:13 pm
Friendships and family relationships can be outstanding and there through “thick and thin”. Other times, they are amazingly fleeting or non-existent. Alice passed away last night. She is at peace. She knew she had friends who cared for her. We said our goodbyes 2 weeks ago….my daughter and I along with a minister from our church who Alice knew and a dear friend from the senior center where she lived. We prayed with her and told her how special she was to us. It was an emotional time for all.
Alice was one of 6 sisters. Three of her sisters had not had contact with her for some years. The other 2 sisters occasionally touched base with her at the center but never saw her to say their goodbyes while she was at hospice. Alice was destitute; no money except social security; meager possessions. What she did have was a great heart for her few friends. She knew those who were genuine. The 2 sisters will see to her burial in the family plot. Sadly they never said goodbye or that they loved her. We are trying to plan a memorial service for her and our minister will officiate. We will be there. We told her that we’d attend her “going home” service and we will.
I am truly grateful for Our Lady of Perpetual Help for caring for her until the end. This is a special place of peace and tranquility. Those who have nothing are cared for as if they are royalty. As it should be.
February 7, 2014 @ 7:41 pm
Friends are sometimes there for a “reason, a season or a lifetime”.
Perhaps her friend is dealing with the sadness of seeing someone close to her dealing with cancer. Maybe it reminded her of a close family member or friend who died of cancer, or she was struggling with feelings of seeing someone she loved go through her cancer treatments. When I was going through my treatments, I was amazed at all the people who came forward to help our family. People who I hadn’t seen in years and people who I was in contact with on a monthly, weekly or more frequent basis. (One woman was especially giving of her time. She said she was always in gratitude for my son reaching out to her son when he changed schools in 3rd grade). Hopefully her friend will come around and perhaps after some healing their friendship can resume.