Losing to cancer hurts because it’s such an intense battle.

No matter if the treatment is long fought, over years of chemo, radiation, or clinical trials, or a sudden diagnosis, a metastatic finding and sudden death, the structure of our lives crack wide open and we make every effort to find a new normal that really isn’t normal at all.  But it’s all we can do, while we hold on to hope.

When our hope fades and we find ourselves alone, what’s there to do?  We have friends and family to fill in some of the hours and we slowly rebuild our lives with the old and new “fillers” that patch together what our life was before cancer and now, after cancer.

How long does it take to feel like we’re put back together?  There is no clock for that time zone.

Some days we feel like it hasn’t been so hard; like we really are “back” and then some days, the clock is running backwards.

Some days we have plenty of people to do things with and it makes life easy.  It’s the days with nothing to do that we get into trouble.  Those are the days when we need THEM more than ever: Nobody to do nothing with hurts the most.

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