It must be the time of year, because being a ONE and not a TWO is coming through loud and clear.
The calendar in this house used to be filled when Spring and Summer rolled around: People just do more when the weather warms up. It was fun to meet friends, sit outside, have a meal, or a drink, talk about the day or just people watch. One thing about being a ONE instead of a TWO, the calendar doesn’t fill up like in the old days. I completely understand the why of that now, I mean, it’s been almost six years since Leroy’s been gone, but it wasn’t that easy when being a ONE was new.
When you first become a ONE, you have so much company, you don’t know what to do with all the well wishers. People are so nice and they truly do feel your pain and they want to fill all the empty minutes so they call and they visit and they invite and it’s really thoughtful. You, as the new ONE, accept as many invitations as you can because you don’t want to listen to the silence in the house. You don’t want to sit on the couch alone or watch a TV program that the two of you watched together, when you were a TWO.
You’re really not cooking much now because that reminds you of the TWO times too. You made healthy meals to ward off the effects of chemo or radiation and the nutritionists always said a healthy diet was the way to stick it to cancer. So you cooked for TWO. Cooking for ONE just means leftovers that wouldn’t be there if you were still a TWO.
Then there’s the other side of being the ONE, when you are invited to an event like a wedding or a party. Most people there are TWO’s and even though you know a lot of the guests, you’re still a ONE. AWKWARD!! Learning to be a ONE in a crowd of TWO’s takes time and effort and there are times when you want to head for the door because being a ONE is being a ONE.
It was so much easier being a TWO.
June 4, 2014 @ 7:01 pm
A friend manages a bereavement group at her church. She has done a magnificent job and has contributed so much to helping others after she lost her husband some 12 years ago. The group has morphed into a little bereavement help and mostly social..50-60 people come. She insisted that I come. I told her nicely that this was not for me now and probably never. I don’t do well in a group of strangers who are sincerely trying to help me. I am OK where I am…alone. I have my family and a cadre of friends who know me and have known us for many years. When we get together, we talk about times that we’ve shared…we laugh and we cry but mostly we comfort each other with our loss. I am OK with this arrangement at this time. “A soul remembered is never really gone.”..from Micth Albom’s book.
June 3, 2014 @ 9:15 pm
Ah yes the old “just one”…I don’t get that much because I beat them to the punch and say “one”. I’m not and have never been a social butterfly but I do go to some things and I know Jim would enjoy them so much. It is awkward being by yourself because couples get up and dance or go to the bar or buffet together and there we sit..one. My friend doesn’t understand why I don’t want to go out with her and her husband but I don’t want to be the third or fifth wheel.