What If…
I rarely step into the “what if” room. It’s just not a place I like to go, because the “what if’s” make the reality of the situation bigger and bolder!
A neighbor forced me into that room this afternoon when she asked “Have you ever thought about how your life would be if Leroy hadn’t died from cancer?”
To be fair, this didn’t come out of the blue. She is reading a book that deals with “what if’s” so it was on her mind. But it threw me for a loop.
I’d never gone to that place. I’ve spent the last few years trying so hard to make a new life after losing him, that I haven’t had the time or the inclination to think about what would have been if cancer hadn’t come into our life and turned it upside down.
And I’m not going there now either.
But I do wonder if it’s common to think about the “what if’s” after such a life changing event?
How can we possibly dwell in the unknown place when we have grieving, healing, and living to do? We have no choice but to pick up the pieces and little by little, start our new path. The tears, heart ache, sorrow and resilience in each of us gives us the strength to grow from our loss.
WHAT IF that didn’t happen? Now that’s something to worry about.
June 21, 2014 @ 7:26 am
I don’t dwell on the “what if” but I would not be telling the truth if I said I never went there. I look at my children and grandchildren and think how proud he would be of their lives and how much they have missed out on. It is momentary and then I tell myself to move along because he’s not physically here and he never will be again. JIm’s sister has just been diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and the fight is on one more time. It is because of her that Jim and I met and she was always there for us during his illness. I know she will draw strength from the courage she witnessed during his fight.
June 20, 2014 @ 7:07 pm
“What if” and “Why”….they flash through my mind but I will not ever focus on them. Am just trying to get to a place where I can cope with loss.
I received a terrific book “My Beautiful Broken Shell” by Carol Hamblet Adams. It is so beautifully written and illustrated and it speaks directly to my heart at this time and at this place. I recommend it highly. I am that broken shell. God knows and will use me to help others and thus help myself.