Five stages of grief..and then some
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
Take them in order or mix them up and pull each one out of a hat, one at a time…there is no order, there is no time line. In fact, there is no guarantee that you will go through all five.
Your grief is unique.
It came up today with a friend who is in the early stages of loss. His wife died just a few weeks ago, leaving him with two small daughters. He’s a smart guy and has enlisted the help of professionals to ease the pain. The girls have regular sessions with a therapist and now, he’s decided it’s time for him to see someone too. So, we were talking about these stages of grief.
He’s feeling them all at once and one at a time and that’s got him baffled. He’s having a hard time with the anger part. Could he have done more and the answer is “NO.” But it’s hard to accept that because he’s the kind of man who was the doer in the family. He was the ‘man’ of the house. He was the husband who loved his wife and loved his family and did everything right to make a great home for them. Now that home is shattered.
He feels angry about that.
Today is his wedding anniversary. 9 years ago they were making plans for a happy, long life together. So today the ‘depression’ stage was weighing-in.
We talked about the long road ahead and how these stages wrap themselves around the heart and squeeze.
I reminded him about all the support that is lifting him today and tomorrow and for as long as he needs it.
Because sometimes these stages hang around for a long time.
August 11, 2014 @ 1:27 pm
Sometimes you just can’t fix it, change it, delay it or will it to be different. Acceptance is so hard to allow in. You just want to try harder, say something to make it right, work harder to change the outcome. Acceptance is the toughest stage of all. I hope he has his burdened lifted and his pain eased and his what if’s taken away.
July 30, 2014 @ 7:13 pm
Each one’s grief is unique for them. I don’t have any of the first four. I do accept that she is gone and where I am in my life is real. I would add the feeling of loss (a void that cannot be filled), sadness (knowing that I must go on alone and without my life’s love) and loneliness (no one to share everyday things, major events or even frustrations)..the common language of my life is no more and will never be the same again, to this list. I’ll go on but I am changed forever and I submit, not for the better.
My great sympathies for this young man with two little ones. Trying to now cope and eventually rebuild a life of normalcy for the kids. I pray for him and his little girls. May God fill the void, ease the sadness and allow joy, happiness and love to once again fill his heart.