How do you start over after losing a loved one to cancer?
I was asked that question today by some one who thought I was so “gleeful” when talking about Leroy and our years together.
I reminded her that I’m almost six years away from August 15, 2008, so my grief is well hidden by now and I’ve learned a thing or two about ‘starting over.’
I explained that in the beginning, my grief was deep and painful and almost paralyzing and that it lasted a very long time. I explained how my days were spent wondering how I would get through the loss. It took a very long time to find my way through that maze. I bumped-up against some big walls and back-tracked, looking for any way out, many times.
I made a point of saying the ‘one year’ rule of grieving does not apply…period. We all go through our own time zone of grief.
Eventually, the days get a little brighter and the nights not so dark and we begin to find little pieces of our old selves and the healing begins.
I’m not sure we even realize how much healing needs to be done before we actually find our ‘gleeful’ side again. A place where we can talk about the good times and the cancer time. A place where we can recall our life changing moments and share them without tears, but with plenty of feeling.
Starting over is a constant exercise, even when you’re almost six years down the road.