Missing them…
Yes, I missed him….again.
I’ve missed him every year since he’s been gone. The Holidays really are some of the hardest days to get through, not because of the obvious part; your loved one isn’t here, but because it’s such a “couple’s” kind of time.
Sure, it’s a family time of year too, but when the family leaves, or the friends toddle out the door after a holiday gathering, who’s left?
And on THE DAY, it’s nice to have a familiar hand to hold or how about connecting to a pair of lips that could change the rhythm of your heart beat?
We all learn to cope with the changes cancer forces on our lives. Losing a loved one and learning to push through this special time of year takes time and focus and a lot of energy and it’s important to do it.
We have to allow ourselves some sad moments or at least some melancholy ones, but we can’t dwell on the “missing” part.
The experts tells us to make new memories and that’s good advice. Rewrite what the Holidays used to mean and create new ways to enjoy them.
Let’s face it, the “missing” part will always be there, on Christmas, on New Year’s or on the third Tuesday of March.
It’s how we handle it that makes all the difference in our new lives.
December 28, 2015 @ 7:07 pm
Amen….. how do you fill the emptiness.. this is rhetorical ‘ cause there is no answer. Memories are there thankfully in spite of the sadness that accompanies them. Our family grieves our loss but we are trying mightily to make something joyful and happy out of our loss.
Look up The White Envelope as a Christmas tradition. We began it this Christmas for us. The sadness and loss will never go away so we accept it and mourn. The philosophy behind this is to do for others to honor those we’ve lost. So my daughter chose to make a donation of goods to a ministry that we love and support. It is a daycare for special needs kids and adults. We go there weekly to visit and let them know that we care. We all suffer the pain of loss but if we can make the leap to get outside our loss for a moment or two, we can receive joy by helping others. We are going to do this for each Christmas.. place a White Envelope on the tree and it will be the last opened…. it says that we care about others who are in need. What a way to celebrate to true meaning of Christmas. Think about it…. it’ll lift your spirit.
December 28, 2015 @ 7:24 pm
I also began the White Envelope tradition this year. My son would have been 47 on
Christmas Day. He passed away in August. I don’t celebrate Christmas so this was my birthday gift to the hospice in which he died. I will donate in memory of others in their birthdays from now on. It eases the heartache.
December 30, 2015 @ 11:32 am
Bonnie…good for you and Laurie to do these good deeds for others. Just think if each person or even each family thought about and then did for others how much joy would be spread around our country. As we know, the good deeds would lessen the pain of loss. Have a Happy New Year (yea I know it sounds trite but I also know that we are in charge of our happiness)
December 28, 2015 @ 10:10 pm
The perfect solution to push away the sad…
I started going to a women’s shelter on Christmas Day to sing while other’s serve meals…It’s a large group and we love all the Holiday songs but the real joy is watching the women smile and sing along as they enjoy their Holiday meal. WE share smiles and we forget about the harder times that have shadowed our lives.
L