A new clock running…
When the medicine can’t do anymore where to you go; what do you do?
How many of us got to that point in our cancer journey?
When we started out, we, as care givers, had HOPE that our loved one would be the one to respond differently to the protocol. Our person would tip the curve of stats and react so well to the treatment that the outlook would change. Our person would be that ONE.
It didn’t happen in this house. Treatment, all the different types, worked for a while, maybe even slowed down the progression of the cancer that was lurking inside Leroy’s body, but over time, it jumped the chemo, and slid right over the radiation and ultimately ended his life.
We asked for any possible drug or procedure that could give him a longer life, but when the cancer load got so heavy, it was time to think about quality over quantity. He reached that point ahead of me. I will always remember the morning when he looked at me and said it was time to call hospice. With tears streaming down my face, I nodded, knowing he was making the right decision.
I made the call.
Was it one of the hardest parts of this journey? NO question about it. It signaled a new clock was running; a clock that would stop only after his life would end.
Is it sad? Does it break your heart when you reach this stage of cancer’s painful attack? It’s beyond sad and it hurts your heart so much, you can hardly breathe, but it’s so important to recognize when it’s time to make the call.
When the medicine can’t help, when there are no more miracles, it’s time to make the call.
Peace, love, comfort; at least we can give them that.
January 15, 2016 @ 10:46 pm
This was definitely one of the hardest decisions, and I agree with Kathie that I don’t know how I survived it. But reading back through my CaringBridge journal of those final months I can now see quite clearly that he was ready much earlier and had to wait for me to be ready for it. There is some guilt associated with that … that he endured more pain because of me … but I know he did it because he loved me. It was his final gift to me.
January 15, 2016 @ 1:58 pm
It’s been a long time since I posted, however, I do read the blog whenever I get a chance. Wishing the best to Laurie and the rest of my family who six years ago helped me through a horrific time. I wish you peace……….still lifting !!!! Please know that I will never forget this family.
January 9, 2016 @ 7:59 pm
So hard to come to terms with this stage…I sometimes don’t know how we survived it Laurie.