If I charted his course from July of 2015 to today, seven months since diagnosis, the line would hardly show anything but a steady decline.
Oh sure, there were a couple of weeks in there where when he was home, feeling a little better and even when he was in the hospital, he managed to walk down the hall, have a smile on his face, listen to his rock and roll and talk sports. But a couple of weeks isn’t enough to use the word remission. He never went into remission. His chemo worked for a heartbeat, then it was clear the cancer would be in control of his life.
When and now, its progressed to the point of heartbreak for me to see him so uncomfortable, I just want to scream.
It’s so wrong. This is such a good man.
I mean, I know in my head and heart, that cancer is still a killer of good men. There may be so many new ways to stop this disease, or at least put it in a box for a while, but on the flip side, there are still so many cancers that can’t be detained.
And I’m struggling; do I want my friend to keep on fighting for ‘quantity’ of life or do I want him to return home, be comfortable, feel the love of his family and friends around him and live out his days in peace? I don’t want his cancer to have such a tight grip on him that he’ll fight, but suffer too.
I see the chart line. It’s bending downward and it will until it ends.
February 9, 2016 @ 8:32 am
Anyone out there read “When Breath Becomes Air?” I have just purchased it and I understand it is a beautiful book that deals with suddenly facing end-of-life. Noticed it is #1 on NY Times nonfiction list.
February 6, 2016 @ 9:20 am
I went through this with my sister 4 years ago and she chose to not have any treatment as her cancer was so advanced. I never left her side that last month and it was such a peaceful time in a lot of ways. She helped me accept her decision and death and it was such a gift. Initially I wanted every treatment available for her but once I accepted her decision we just enjoyed our time together. Everyone has to do what they feel is best and for those who love them, we just support their decision.
February 5, 2016 @ 8:03 pm
It’s hard to watch, it’s hard to feel all the emotions, how do we let go of all these jumbled emotions? How do we let our friend go, how do we let the pain go, how do we take it all in and still let it all go?
I surely wish I knew. I do feel this is the secret to getting through all this.