If I charted his course from July of 2015 to today, seven months since diagnosis, the line would hardly show anything but a steady decline.
Oh sure, there were a couple of weeks in there where when he was home, feeling a little better and even when he was in the hospital, he managed to walk down the hall, have a smile on his face, listen to his rock and roll and talk sports. But a couple of weeks isn’t enough to use the word remission. He never went into remission. His chemo worked for a heartbeat, then it was clear the cancer would be in control of his life.
When and now, its progressed to the point of heartbreak for me to see him so uncomfortable, I just want to scream.
It’s so wrong. This is such a good man.
I mean, I know in my head and heart, that cancer is still a killer of good men. There may be so many new ways to stop this disease, or at least put it in a box for a while, but on the flip side, there are still so many cancers that can’t be detained.
And I’m struggling; do I want my friend to keep on fighting for ‘quantity’ of life or do I want him to return home, be comfortable, feel the love of his family and friends around him and live out his days in peace? I don’t want his cancer to have such a tight grip on him that he’ll fight, but suffer too.
I see the chart line. It’s bending downward and it will until it ends.