I hate it when cancer gets to me now.  It ruled over this house for so many years and in 2008, it took control, something both Leroy and I fought so hard against, then it showed its teeth and took his life.  A life that was very precious to me.

I’ve worked very hard, and it’s taken me a long time to build a wall around all the emotions cancer left inside me after Leroy died.  I don’t want those feelings to find a way out of that place.  They belong in that vault where there is no air,  no windows and definitely no door.

So now, as I watch so many friends go through what we went through, I can feel the pulse from that locked box beating once again.  I’m overwhelmed by the number of friends who are fighting cancer right now, or who have lost their battle in the last year.  I understand it’s an age thing: my friends are in the ‘sweet spot’ for cancer.  But for every one of these ‘boomers’ it’s not a national trend, it’s personal.  It’s very personal to me.

I will always be there to do whatever I can to help in this difficult journey.  I whispered that promise to myself years ago.  I will not however, let the cancer residue stain this person I worked so hard to resurrect.  So, I’ll dig-in and use the knowledge I learned the hard way and hope it helps in some way.

I hate it when it gets to me…I won’t let it get to me.

 

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