Ten days…
These would be his last ten days.
Eight years ago, these would be the last ten days of his life.
He was 53 years old. How could that be? Cancer is the short, one word answer.
We had dealt with his colon cancer for almost 8 years. There were bad times. The “You have cancer” moment comes to mind. His doctor looked as surprised as we were, but there was the evidence in a 5X7 color glossy photo. A cancerous tumor found from a routine colonoscopy. A life changer.
There were good times. “You’re N-E-D.” No evidence of disease. “Go to Maui, NOW.” We did. A farewell tour of our favorite spots for Mai Tai’s and macadamia crusted Ahi and saying good-bye to so many friends. We sat by the pool, sailed the beautiful Pacific, sat on the lanai and remembered so many times we’d watched the sunset explode into golden light as it sank into the sea.
We both knew his life was beginning to ebb but neither one of us wanted to dwell on it. The care giving changed as his needs changed.
The last ten days taught me more about life than death.
March 30, 2017 @ 9:59 pm
Your story was really inteamrfivo, thanks!
August 6, 2016 @ 4:27 pm
“There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so. One must simply hold out and endure it. At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is also a great comfort. For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person through it. It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness. God in no way fills it but much more leaves it precisely unfilled and thus helps us preserve — even in pain — the authentic relationship. Further more, the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer
“Grief is where love and pain converge”…Bonhoeffer
Our lives have changed forever. They will never be the same. They will be and are different than before. I have read C.S. Lewis, Bonhoeffer, Philip Yancy, etc. to try to better understand grief. I have concluded as they, there is no formula, no cookbook, no steps, no process that reduces, eliminates or minimizes the pain of loss. And it is OK to grieve for as long as it takes. I don’t think that there is an end to grief for many and that is OK, also. I embrace the memories, cherish them, say them out loud with family and friends knowing that with them come much sadness and grief.
Laurie and Cathi…..blessings to you both at this time and at all times when the memories carried in your hearts come to the forefront triggered by people, places and things.
August 9, 2016 @ 12:44 pm
I am a huge Bonhoeffer fan. Thanks for this post, Al.
August 6, 2016 @ 2:12 pm
Ebbing Hour
Don’t offer opiates.
Lay me down in the ocean’s
hammock, still awake enough
to know myself her own.
Feet on her salt pillow,
hands at last with nothing
to grasp. For once I’ll
face unblunted
an event’s full force.
I don’t want to miss
the last important thing
I’ll ever do. Let those
friends who remain
wade out with me
beyond the breakers and push.
I want to ride the swell.
Elizabeth Austen
August 9, 2016 @ 12:45 pm
Beautiful.
August 6, 2016 @ 12:35 pm
Poignancy and pangs were part of my first countdown this July. After his 2-month bout with AML John’s last request was to go to the Pacific Ocean. We rented a 35′ RV, a fulltime nurse and headed west…It was just like a poem by Elizabeth Austen, “Ebbing Hour”: a poem for anyone who includes the ocean in that final journey. John died the day we got home, July 4th.
August 6, 2016 @ 7:24 am
These “countdowns ” are so hard…peace be with you in the next couple of weeks Laurie.
March 30, 2017 @ 10:13 pm
Haha, shouldn’t you be charging for that kind of kng?wedoel!
April 23, 2017 @ 3:01 pm
Hi Jane, so if you could plan a panel of speakers and presenters, who would you have and what would they talk about. You’ve mentioned the across a life time thought, but can you be specific? Who exactly would you like to see and hear from?I’m trying to get a wide variety of ideas, before putting together a proposal. Go for the ideal! Would love to hear your thoughts.