We try to be so strong…

Why is it we survivors, even after many years have passed, try to be so strong?  We think we can’t show the sorrow that is still tucked away in those deep folds of our heart.  We still have our moments when we get sad.  Sometimes those tears still bubble-up and we quickly blink them away, hoping the memory that brought them to the surface will disappear too.

The Holiday season reveals our weaker side for sure.  Memories of great celebrations that we miss dearly or sad recollections of how cancer tarnished the last holiday we spent together; it can be a hurting time.

And don’t think we don’t change our mood, because we do.  We act differently and our friends can see it.  I was with another cancer widow the other day and I could feel the stress in her actions and words.  When I brought it up to her, she said she thought I was the one who was ‘up-tight.’ We both admitted to feeling the weight of the Holidays.  So many reminders of a former life.

“If I think about them, I’ll be sad and I don’t want to be sad,” she said.

I get it.  If you don’t go there, it won’t win.  Be strong.