Can you prepare for loss?
Can you really prepare for loss? Is there a way to build a wall around your heart, knowing that metastatic cancer is likely to end in the death of your loved one? Is there some way to stop it from being one of the most painful experiences in your life?
Leroy’s cancer did not move quickly. There were even months when it ran away and hid somewhere, leaving us with the false hope that all those bags filled with poison dripping into his veins had actually been successful killing all those cancer cells. Or maybe it was the radiation that did the trick? I remember how happy we were with the results and we certainly were not preparing for his death during that time. For us, we just more of reason to look ahead, plan for a future without cancer, and get back to living.
So when the cancer returned and his prognosis turned to ‘terminal,’ we were stunned back into a reality that was heartbreaking, but still, there wasn’t any planned preparation that would have lessened the blow of losing him.
I’m not talking about getting his affairs in order. I’m not talking about wills being checked and power of attorneys being updated. That all has to be done regardless of prognosis and it’s not a fun thing to do.
I’m talking about preparing for the worst in your mind and in your life. Some care givers think that can be done. How?
How do you do that? When that final breath comes, it’s not to be believed. You really can’t anticipate it. It takes your breath away too.
The free fall from this kind of loss doesn’t provide a soft landing. Not in the real world.
April 25, 2017 @ 8:11 pm
When our daughter decided to go the Hospice route it was 5 months later she died. There is so much anticipation and dread wrapped up in those weeks before death. My husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer the week after our daughter made the decision to do Hospice care. It was a devastating way to bring in the new year of 2016. Hospice did certainly help us prepare for her death there’s no denying that, but nothing can prepare you for those final breaths and the words, “Is there anyone I can call for you?”
This week we found out that my husband’s chemo wasn’t having “the desired effect”. He has stage 4 and we have no idea how to prepare. The loss of a 32 year old daughter is bone chilling. The loss of a soul-mate is like the entire insides of me is dying and there’s not going to be anything left but an outer shell.
April 25, 2017 @ 5:05 am
I thought I knew how I would handle the actual moment Jim would take his last breath…how foolish I was. I have never known such raw pain and never heard that sound come from me before or since. There is no way to prepare oneself for losing half of your heart.
April 24, 2017 @ 8:23 pm
My husband was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer in 2012. It has been a roller coaster ever since. A few months ago, he took a turn for the better and had a good scan. When I told our kids, they weren’t as enthusiastic as I would have expected. Our 14 year old explained, “We’re happy about the results, but we know the treatment will stop working sometime.” A lot of wisdom from a young girl.