We just assume with a cancer diagnosis comes the willingness to go through treatment.
That really isn’t true.
I write this today, almost exactly 21 years to the minute that my Mom took her last breath. She died of cancer six months after her diagnosis. She made the decision not to have treatment. So many things went into that choice, some of them she shared with me and my sister and some of them she didn’t. I know we knew her well enough not to challenge her. It would have caused such anxiety between us that it made sense to make peace with it and do everything in our power to give her the best, last months of life. There was only one vote here and it was hers to make.
So how strange is it that the last two days I’ve gotten phone calls from friends who have family members newly diagnosed with aggressive cancers. Both patients are older and both are contemplating whether or not to have treatment. One of these patients feels he’s at a point in his life where he’s content to see if the cancer really ends his life before natural causes of a long, happy life would step-in and do the same job. He says “it’s tempting to let this play itself out.”
My Mom never lost HOPE in her final months: Her HOPE just changed course. I suspect the same thing is happening with this patient too.
As we all know, treatment can be really hard on a body and mind. Where we are in life, the places we’ve been, and where we see ourselves down the road all play a factor in deciding to treat, or not…..
May 02, 2017 @ 19:51:51
Another thing that happens, is that people assume when you decide to discontinue treatment that you’ve given up. That’s not the case. It took me a long time to make peace with the fact that one day, my husband will discontinue treatment for his stage IV lung cancer. Thankfully, we have been given more time than was originally predicted. It took us years to begin to talk about when he will stop treatment. When he does, I will support him as strongly as when he was on treatment.
I am sorry about your mom. Even with years in between then and now, this must be a hard day for you.
May 02, 2017 @ 20:50:10
It is a hard day Heather, but I respected her decision then just as I do 21 years later.
I only hope I inherited a smidgen of her strength…
Your husband is a lucky man to have you…I only hope that day is still far, far away.
May 05, 2017 @ 10:04:14
As someone just reminded me this this week, it is just “an educated guess” when someone will die with or without treatment. The question of quality of life is important, too.