So much to learn…

So, here I am; beginning again.

Every time another year after honoring Leroy’s passing, I think about how I’ve changed.  How has this past year been different from the year before and the 8 before that?

The first two years were foggy.  I really had to concentrate to get things done.  The legal documents that needed to be delivered to alert companies and doctors and banks and other institutions that Leroy had died kept me busy for sure, and just “stuff” that needed to get done.  And, he wasn’t here.  How did THAT happen?

Daily life and routines that had been set aside because cancer was in the room, took a long time to fall into place.  I’m sure there were some things that never returned because they needed Leroy to make them worthwhile.

Time has passed and I’ve become used to being alone.  There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely.  Some days I’m both, but not so much any more.  I guess that’s a sign of healing.  I know it’s a sign that my grief has shifted and moved to a different place.

I often wonder what our life together would have been like 9 years down the road.  I can only imagine.

My life has grown in many directions and I’m grateful for having the strength to get through some tough turns in these past 9 years.  There have been many days filled with smiles and laughs and sighs; lots of good times.

I like to think of myself back in the starting blocks again, reaching for new experiences, one year at a time.


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