What is it about loss that makes us feel like we have to heal quickly and begin again?
Really. It’s expected of us to have our moment of sorrow and I’m not talking a ‘moment’, I’m talking many moments that take a long time, but I mean our family and friends think we’ll ‘get through it’ and move on to life in the ‘normal’ lane.
So my ‘normal’ lane has taken longer than I expected, or actually longer than my inner circle had expected. I didn’t have a clue how long it would take to find my lane. A group of women I know who have gone through loss from cancer have also found their lane at different times.
Wednesday is the 6th anniversary of the death of a very dear friend. Leukemia and its side effects took his life. He left behind a great wife and two great kids. Each of them has found their lane in such different ways.
The daughter carries the loss of her Dad buried in her heart. She and her Dad were like two peas in a pod. I think she was so deeply wounded by his death that she rarely shares her thoughts about him. She’s used the years since his passing to grow into a beautiful young woman who is strong with opinions that only young college kids can get away with, but look closely behind that strength and you’ll see someone still bruised and needing that Dad who left too soon. Her lane is still slightly blocked.
Her brother is just starting college this year and he’s busy spreading his wings the way some kids do when they burst onto the college scene. He’ll ‘rock the world’ with no net beneath him, I’m pretty sure of that. But I’m also pretty sure the memories he holds of his time with his Dad are some of the most precious and private thoughts he’ll have in his lifetime. Very few will be allowed a peek into the chamber where these memories are held. His lane is wide open, except for road sign marked “Dad.”
Their Mom has guided both of these kids through the hills and valleys of grief and growth these past six years and that’s no easy task. She’s also managed to figure out her own path along the way. She’s made a new life for herself while at the same time has successfully merged her lane with that of her kids and a new relationship that has just started to unfold. And if you think this has been easy, you would be wrong.
Lanes are tough to rebuild when cancer breaks-up the road that was once paved with plans.
Take your time. There’s a lane out there for you too.